Silent Crusader and Sinister Revenge
Let's say life had stats. I don't mean like statistics that one uses in analysis; I mean like numbers that correspond to values that comprise a human's characteristics. Now, if all things had stats, and this held true for personality traits, the one stat worth stacking the most would be Truth. The hardest thing to see about the truth is how great it is. We often forget this because we're so busy hiding the truth from our friends, our family, our acquaintances, and our neighbors that it becomes so easy to forget why this aspect of our lives is important. Lies we tell to people we trust with our essences become truths because we actually begin to convince ourselves that these things happened.

But that's not what happened. That's not fact. That's not history.

I would rather have my heart broken a thousand times over than be lied to. Why? Why should you care so much about the truth if it will only cause pain and unhappiness? Because it never does. You might think somewhere in your shortsightedness that it does, but it never causes true pain or true unhappiness. True unhappiness is living a lie. True unhappiness is going through your life having convinced yourself something you want to be true or hope to be true is, in fact, true when it is nothing more than a facade.

You'll never know yourself and you'll never know anyone without truth. And lies beget more lies until you no longer care about the truth and your lies become the only method by which you can accept another person. Any relationship built upon lies is not a relationship worth having. And if you can't be honest with someone about everything, then you'll never understand or know each other. You'll never share a bond with someone that carves its name into the ages.

Wouldn't you feel better if you lived in a world where you could say the things you keep buried inside and not have to feel sad, ashamed, or fearful? Where people don't judge you for mistakes you made so you can continue with your life and not bury your past deep inside. If you don't know where you've come from, it's hard to know where you're going.

We have this one life and it's so short. It's nothing but breeze on a summer day. It's a flash of cosmic radiation. It's the only thing we have. When you bury your feelings inside and forget the lessons you've learned by lying to yourself, all you're doing is wasting that one life. The few years we have will be for naught if you're so focused on keeping up appearances.

Someone asked me how I write these entries one time. All I do is look in the deepest, darkest parts of my soul and tear at the things that disgust me about myself. This is the only kind of cleaning at which I have any success, and I'm ashamed to say that I have little more than I do with cleaning my room. But I'm done blaming other people when I was too cowardly to believe in the truth. A real man takes responsibility for his actions. A real man bares the truth on his chest and lets the world stare.

Underhanded tactics don't become me. I should have left them behind with everything else I vowed to throw away. All I can do now is face forward embracing my rhetoric that gives me +1000 to truth saying.

It makes me wonder how many failures I've endured because of my inability to be honest. Damn society for robbing us of our divinity.